'did we eat last night?' i asked...we had a gammy taste in our mouths.
'no i don't think so' replies sarah
It was quite cloudy out, so we decided to have a lazy morning catching up on the blog and uploading photos etc...
Thats when we found a photo of the cold frankfuter type sausages...and that is when i had a flashback of us eating them like savages. Who needs kebabs ay?
My stomach turned!
Sarah decided to make the most of being Des (designated driver) and seeing as she was still over the limit she said 'shall we have a beer?'
I do 'the look at the watch thing' that i do at home...check to see if its midday (if its not midday and you want beer your an alcoholic)
It was about 10! But it doesn't make me an alcoholic as i wasn't the one that asked for a beer...and even if i did say yes...Sarah justifies this by saying were on UK time. STILL. (we shall keep to this reasoning).
We went to get our washing in...yes you heard, domesticated goddesses. To my horror all my underwear has vanished off the line! We shall continue blogging about the 'mystery of the vanishing underwear' at a later date!
Kym and Malcolm have 2 dogs...puppies but one is a giant horse! We love millie but she is so excitable, and when she scratches our bare feet it hurts real bad!
Sarah got the right hump with this and on this particular morning had an outburst...'MILLIE FOR FUCKS SAKE PUT YOUR FUCKING SLIPPERS ON - OR FUCK OFF!'
We had an early dinner...it was our dolmio day. Kym decided it would be a great idea to line our stomachs before another bender with our kiwi krew!
We drove to the house, it was their last night there as they were moving the next morning, so we all had a few drinks which turned into a few more drinks...which turned into a home brewed absinthe session. (bad times)
We eventually split into two cars and head to town...Our car the 'sensible ones' sang some highway code song about buckling up...just after hannah climbed back in from the sunroof..
And then Jasons car (who by the way irritated the shit out of me) took sarah and lee for a mental burn up around town...handbrake chavvy stuff, Sarah got on with Jason...(strangely after his shit conversations about 'boil ups' and his constant chat about if he was 10 years younger 'he would' dirty fat tramp!) until i told her the next morning he'd shot absinthe...and apparently 'its only one im not over the limit'
HELLO! ITS ABSINTHE! (and homebrewed lethal stuff) 80% YOU FAT STUPID FUCK!
Sarah's vowed to kick his arse if she ever sees him again...drink driving is not cool kids! Buckle up!
We went on a crazy bender around town again...and theres this one place called 'pie lab' and its like a run down cafe where we shot and run off. This jason guy ate a pie that had clearly been there for hours and hours...hes an absolute tramp...
you think you've met the scumiest man ever? you haven't...this man is! (if he reads this...he will cry!)
Lovebirds at back?
We left the clubs very merry, and next door to a bar was a sex shop...which was open! So of course we all ran in there!
Hannah ran to the DVD section and started ripping the advertising posters off the wall...because they were nice? Adverts for viagra and a viewing dvd booth etc!
Funny stuff...
So we left and headed back to the cars...singing football songs like
'YOUR GOING HOME IN A S'AAFEEND AMBULANCE!'
AND
'EVERYWHERE WE GO! PEOPLE ALWAYS ASK US...WHO WE ARE, AND WHERE WE COME FROM'
We got the kiwi's singing in a essex accent and screaming 'WERE FROM ENGLAND MIGHTY MIGHTY ENGLAND!'
You can see evidence of jason the stupid fuck with the disgusting pie in this photo!
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO . HISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS.
This is Hope and Hannah...they are mental!
And heres lee's pants...easy access for Sarah later that evening!
We get back to the house...Sarah and Lee are rolling around on the floor (apparently her legs went wobbly and she accidently took him down...but im having none of that!)
Me, Matt and Hannah are sticking up viagra posters, and turning a photo of gordon brown into a drag queen!
Hope is looking for a glass so she can listen through the wall at Sarah and Lee (they had disappered into lee's room by this point!)
Being in a drunken stupor, i decide its a fantastic ida to go and fetch the rest of the absinthe...which me and matt pounce on.
After a few i realise maybe that wasn't a good idea...but Hannah keeps pouring them for us. STUPID BITCH!
This leads to Matt climbing up to spew and not realising the wall was well out of his reach due to his triple vision! He falls backwards onto my ankle as i howl
'OH MY GOD MY FOOTS FALLEN OFF! HAS MY FOOT FALLEN OFF?'
while Hopes sitting there repeatedly going 'is she screaming?'
And Hannah's pouring me more absinthe!
While Marks going 'shhhhhhhh keep it down you'll wake mum'
This is the 2nd time this holiday we've noticed funny accent changes...the first being 'shetland' is pronounced 'SHIT-LAND' Which was fantastic!
And the second being me saying 'no! no more, i will deck you'
Hannah repeating 'you'll dick me!?'
Classic Missunderstandings...
______
Matt spewed and passed out.
Hope freaked (shes scared of sick) and was in a right state 'TAKE ME HOME MARK! GET ME A TISSUE!'
And Sarah and lee still hadn't made an appearance.
_____
Hannah goes to the bedroom door and says 'would you like me to pass a message on to them'
we start ripping into sarah's asthma...asking if she needs her pump, and which colour pump she needs etc.
'SARAH! SARAH! NICOLA SAID IT AIN'T EASY BEING WHEEZEY...DO YOU NEED YOUR PUMP?'
We continued being little shits for a good hour! While matt was Coma'd out curled up in the warm blanket we needed to share! Selfish Spewer!
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