I FUCKING LOVE THIS SONG.

WHY HAS IT NEVER BEEN AVAILABLE TO BUY ON ITUNES!?

<3 OOOO BEBE

ROLF. ROFLMAO. I DID

We had a moment...one of THOSE moments

So me and Emma are in the hunt for a House....or a house share even because its pretty much furnished already!

We find this one house that is FIT. so they invite us round to view the house, and to see if we were all compatible. We were so compatible it was like a balloon falling in love with a cactus. Or a racist life long Tottenham fan falling in love with Ashley Cole...its was not going to work.

However it wasn't always like this...we hit off with them...they liked beer and absinthe! And cooking ME dinner, and music, and art, and staying in at an evening playing board games, or gardening...(okay maybe we werent going to get on, but i saw the best in them)

So they take us on a tour...and as per usual im clowning about, and Emmas ringing off random shit facts about feinting goats, and docking sheeps tails etcetc...

I see a painting on the wall...its a bit shit, so i only assume a friend painted it for them.

So i make sensible conversation...

'WOW a painting! Did a friend paint you this?'

and the guy 'HENRY' replies

'No my ex girlfriend did....'

I go 'oh' and laugh as i turn my head to look at his girlfriend, who is standing next to him, to see her reaction.

There was no reaction! Bareing in mind they had lived at this house for 3 days and already he had spent some time hanging a canvas painting from his ex girlfriend on the wall!

Then he continued

'....but she died'

i again laugh nervously as it goes silent and everyone stares at me in front of the painting...waiting for my next words.

So i go...

'OHHHH....THATS NICE!'

Obviously the painting...not the ex girlfriend dieing!!! But worst of all i think she was only an 'ex' because she died!!! Once i'd realised that i just said 'THATS NICE' to his girlfriend dieing and then i noticed the silence...the really REALLY awkward silence. The next thing i did was see an airing cupboard door. So i went...

'okayyyyyyyyyy...ooooooooo whats in here!?', and stuck my head in there and waited and waited and waited for the next person to speak.

Henry then says...

'ITS A CUPBOARD AND YOU CAN OPEN THIS ONE AND I CAN SEE YOU THROUGH IT.'

As he is saying this i have my head in the cupboard pulling a 'nicola your a stupid STUPID bitch!' face...and then i slowly turn left and see Henry on the otherside, waving awkwardly at me, i wave awkwardly back at him, and pull my head out of the cupboard.

NEEDLESS TO SAY, WE DIDN'T GET THE FLAT SHARE.

But things are looking up...ish on the flat share front as a guy called

NAPOLEAN

thats is correct. NAPOLEAN. Needs some flat mates.

I can only assume it is THE Napolean.

NICOLA DID!

BESTIVAL 2009...

2MINS 14SECONDS...

'I WOULD'

Also straight off, next to the giant rocket you can see my sign having a lily 'i would' rave.

She's Got Sarah Jones' Eyes!

Her hair is dark as coal,
Her lips spit crudities
Her hands are never cold
She's got Sarah Jones' eyes
She'll turn her music on
You won't have to listen twice
She's pure as yellow snow
She got Sarah Jones' eyes

And she'll inappropriately squeeze you
She'll unease you
All the better just to please you
She's perverted
And she knows just what it
Takes to make a cosmos
She's going partially blind,
She's got Sarah Jone's eyes

She'll let you grab her front
And then grab her asthma pump

She'll lay you on her bug
She got Sarah Jones' eyes
She'll take a tumble after two
Roll like shes a dice
Until she's black and blue
She's got Sarah Jones' eyes

She'll expose boob
And she'll show you
Then she'll yank down her leggings and flash you...
She's a pervert
And she knows just what it
Takes to rape a possom
All the boys Think she's a guy,
She's got Sarah Jones' eyes

<3 NZ Adverts. Ohhh Happy Flying!

Such a dear loss...

RIP- Sir Louis Walsh

I love you!


.......



What are you saying?!?

i heard Gay, Boyband, and Irish...is he not?...Woops!

SICKOS!

ARE YOU HERE FOR MJ DEATH JOKES???

OR STEPHEN GATELY'S BOTTOM???

YOU REALLY ARE THE LIMIT!

The Post Below

Apologies...we found a kareoke booth in the back of a pool hall in town run by asians.

WE HIT THAT.

UNFORTUNATELY...flo rida, low. And Justin, Sexyback are not as easy as they appear to be.

Still maximum rave. Sofa jumping, Microphone skipping...the lot! Gaga Would!

Marcia Did. She lost 26lbs raving.

We know how to bring Sexyback!

CAUTION MAY CAUSE OFFENSE TO EARS. I Suggest the mute button???

The Black Eyed Peas Fancy Auckland. FACT.

I didn't obviously enjoy them at all....

WHAT THE HELL IS HAPPENING!?

DEFINATELY NOT THE SAME PERSON...

AND THE WINNER IS....

BUT WHO IS IT!?

KATY PERRY...OR ZOOEY DESCHANEL. WHO IS WHO!?

EXACTLY...HMM???

HANA BOULDEN AND LEE BETTIS ARE IN DANGER!!!

THEY HAVE KILLED THE COCKROCHE KING!!! THERE IS NO HOPE FOR THEM NOW! THE ROCHE-ARMY IS GOING TO BE AFTER THEM...THEY ARE GOING TO GET COCKROCHE RAPED IN THERE SLEEP. I HATE COCKROCHE RAPE, ITS THE WORST!

R.I.P- KING COLIN THE COCKROCHE (1979-2009)

For The Record...

Where are my keys...I lost my phone!

Just a dull, brief, boring update...



i had a job, i didn't want to start it, so i quit it, and then got a new job! with lee!



In case you didn't understand the last message i'm off to see these tomorrow:
























and were picking her up tomorrow...if they let her back in the country!! <3

and were heading here...i like it here :)

and were gonna swallow some of this stuff...

and dance like these people... (I'm gonna slap my feet to the sound of the beat!)

and this is almost inevitable ... (lee)

BUT JUST REMEMBER...KNOW YOUR LIMITS. DRINK RESPONSIBLY...OTHERWISE YOU CAN'T HAVE BABIES, AND YOU'LL GET WEAK MUSCLES!

Tomorrow I'm will pee my pants...

I HAVE


I DID


I WOULD AGAIN


I WILL


I AM








I WILL.I.AM. GET IT???

T.T.T.TASTY.TASTY!

I WOULD!

Weather Summary

Summary
rain shwrs
rain shwrs
rain shwrs
rain shwrs
mod. rain
heavy rain
rain shwrs
rain shwrs
rain shwrs



They're not lieing!!!

Poodles

The other day i was eating at a cafe and i didn't tuck my chair in when i got up.

Sounds like a shit story beginning but shortly after this a blind man got lead into the chair by his guide dog...which was a poodle!!! And he dragged the chair with him for about 1 metre!

A poodle guidedog. Ahahahaha!

Becci The Bully

Becci has spent 2 weeks now picking on me.

Shes pregnant and is blaming it on her hormones and her baby!...but chasing me around the kitchen slapping me with a banana skin and then sinking her teeth so far into my skin that i am imprinted for the rest of the evening is far from hormones darlin'!


The other day i was sleeping off my hangover and i had the window open (to air my room as i had spewed) something jumped in the window and crawled over my face.

At the time i assumed Becci had snuck in my room and dropped the dog on my face. But when i opened my eyes no one was in the room with me and there was a rustling under my bed.

So i shot up and waited to see if it came out! And it never ever did.

Becci and Emma came in and checked under the bed and ripped the shit out of me because it was 'my imagination' or 'your still pissed' or 'you were dreaming it'

And i wasn't!

Vodka...you little creeper you!

I have a confession to make. Kilsby's if you're reading this...i'm sorry.




WE HAD A PAVLOVA. A BIG ONE.





And we're really sorry but it was so so so amazing that we didn't want to share it. Hahaha! I know, very selfish! So we had to make a plan, of how we would get it in the house without anyone seeing it! We even thought about slipping it over the fence into the garden and running around to get it. Desperate desperate measures! It is THAT GOOD!


So we snuck it in, and we've hid it, in the secret pavlova hiding place!




Last night we brought some vodka...

You'll have to excuse my hair...and general disgustingness...i hadn't showered, thats right. I DIDN'T SHOWER! I was also trying to hold the bottle between my breasts, but i think i should maybe try that with a gift size vodka bottle, it may be easier!




























So we hit that bebe's.

And then we invented a game...it is called:





'Who can eat pavlova, like a pig, the best?'


































Poor Pavlova!























Lee won! Then tried to shoo me out the room so he could eat the other half!!!

'Nic go to sleep now, have you re hidden the pavlova? where did you put it?'

I <3 Google Earth

Some wise wise lady once said to me...they don't actually die...they're all on an island hiding, having a party/gang bang. They are having fun basically!

Well today i happened to be on google earth and i picked this up on satellite,

Its pretty much breaking news! Check it out:

The Alien Equation....

+




































=