Monday, 30 March 2009
What goes around comes around! Saturday 28th
Matts suffering this morning...we drove home from Marks, and he's holding sick in his mouth as he drives (oooooooo lovely!)
He is death warmed up! Of course for the rest of the morning i rip the shit out of him...
'do you want some yoghurt matt'
'hair of the dog matt...fancy a beer?'
'want some eggs matt?'
Seriously he blew chunks (haha amy wilden), chundered, spewed, wretched, chucked, yakked, and revisted dolmio day about 7 times?
The jogger didn't appreciate it either as he ran past matt on the drive, blowing chunks, chundering, spewing, wretching, chucking, yakking, and revisiting dolmio day!
Matt was moving house today so went to bed to calm a bit...and so did sarah til midday!
But what goes around comes around...and eventually the hangover hit me hard...8.9 on the Hangover scale.
The winding roads to Raglan did not help! So i had my head sticking out the window for 45minutes to calm myself!
It was that bad that i had to close my eyes...the fields and mountains blurred past my eyes making me want to blow chunks, chunder, spew, wretch, chuck, yakk, and revisit dolmio day!
We visited Bridal Veil Falls..'the fresh air will do you good'
Hangover cure...a big hench lunch and a coca cola.
We went to 'vinneys' it was mmm good. I had like the New Zealand version of the 'original combo' (pikey)
Sarah had a 'Big Daddy Blue Cheese Burger'
Oh and the waitress had a screw loose! She was one penny short of a pound...one table short of a picnic...you get the drift? A COMPLETE SPANNER! A RUSTY ONE! Even nice people like Kym and Malcolm must have thought the same!
RETARDED.
Due to Sarahs incompetence...she didn't tak a photo of this rusty spanner. STUPID BITCH. So this'll have to do!
Hangover cured! I mean it hit in waves but the tidal wave had passed.
We headed down to the beach where Kym played around in the sand, and sarah played around in the sea.
I spent a little time lunging with Malcolm...
Kym found a stick and hiked back up with it...due to there being a little bit of absinthe swimming around me...i thought it was hilarious and continued calling Kym 'Gandalf' until we got back to the car!
She replied in saying 'this is my beating stick'
Some major 'shut up nicola' hint.
We love you Gandalf...i mean...Slave...i mean...Kym!
He is death warmed up! Of course for the rest of the morning i rip the shit out of him...
'do you want some yoghurt matt'
'hair of the dog matt...fancy a beer?'
'want some eggs matt?'
Seriously he blew chunks (haha amy wilden), chundered, spewed, wretched, chucked, yakked, and revisted dolmio day about 7 times?
The jogger didn't appreciate it either as he ran past matt on the drive, blowing chunks, chundering, spewing, wretching, chucking, yakking, and revisiting dolmio day!
Matt was moving house today so went to bed to calm a bit...and so did sarah til midday!
But what goes around comes around...and eventually the hangover hit me hard...8.9 on the Hangover scale.
The winding roads to Raglan did not help! So i had my head sticking out the window for 45minutes to calm myself!
It was that bad that i had to close my eyes...the fields and mountains blurred past my eyes making me want to blow chunks, chunder, spew, wretch, chuck, yakk, and revisit dolmio day!
We visited Bridal Veil Falls..'the fresh air will do you good'
Hangover cure...a big hench lunch and a coca cola.
We went to 'vinneys' it was mmm good. I had like the New Zealand version of the 'original combo' (pikey)
Sarah had a 'Big Daddy Blue Cheese Burger'
Oh and the waitress had a screw loose! She was one penny short of a pound...one table short of a picnic...you get the drift? A COMPLETE SPANNER! A RUSTY ONE! Even nice people like Kym and Malcolm must have thought the same!
RETARDED.
Due to Sarahs incompetence...she didn't tak a photo of this rusty spanner. STUPID BITCH. So this'll have to do!
Hangover cured! I mean it hit in waves but the tidal wave had passed.
We headed down to the beach where Kym played around in the sand, and sarah played around in the sea.
I spent a little time lunging with Malcolm...
Kym found a stick and hiked back up with it...due to there being a little bit of absinthe swimming around me...i thought it was hilarious and continued calling Kym 'Gandalf' until we got back to the car!
She replied in saying 'this is my beating stick'
Some major 'shut up nicola' hint.
We love you Gandalf...i mean...Slave...i mean...Kym!
The Morning after the night before....
I wake up shivvering because spewer has still got the whole blanket and all i have is some little hand towel over my nose to keep it warm...you have no idea how chilly my shins were!
(funny thing is there was about 4 blankets nearby that we hadn't noticed the night before!)
I kick matt and steal the blanket...and he goes 'you should have said... i'm boiling!'
PRICK!
Hope wakes and Matts throwing up again. She turns into the hulk...wakes Mark up and repeats over and over
'MARK TAKE ME HOME! I NEED A WEE AND MATTS A SPEWER...TAKE ME HOME!' (its funnier if you imagine this in a kiwi accent!)
Matt runs in to bundle sarah and lee...and rip the duvet off...Sarah sternly says 'MATT GET THE FUCK OUT!'
The only time i've seen him listen anyway!
Sarah enters the front room looking like russell brand...ON A BAD DAY!
The first thing that is said is 'SARAH ARE YOU PREGNANT?'
Followed by 'Sarah you look like russell brand!'
Followed by 'lee a hoovers bit your neck'
Lee enters the room looking like he's been fighting with a dyson(classy)
Sarah would like to make it clear at this point of the blog...that she is absolutely definately not pregnant...because as she keeps stating she is NOT an essex hoebag! (yes Denise she is NOT)
(funny thing is there was about 4 blankets nearby that we hadn't noticed the night before!)
I kick matt and steal the blanket...and he goes 'you should have said... i'm boiling!'
PRICK!
Hope wakes and Matts throwing up again. She turns into the hulk...wakes Mark up and repeats over and over
'MARK TAKE ME HOME! I NEED A WEE AND MATTS A SPEWER...TAKE ME HOME!' (its funnier if you imagine this in a kiwi accent!)
Matt runs in to bundle sarah and lee...and rip the duvet off...Sarah sternly says 'MATT GET THE FUCK OUT!'
The only time i've seen him listen anyway!
Sarah enters the front room looking like russell brand...ON A BAD DAY!
The first thing that is said is 'SARAH ARE YOU PREGNANT?'
Followed by 'Sarah you look like russell brand!'
Followed by 'lee a hoovers bit your neck'
Lee enters the room looking like he's been fighting with a dyson(classy)
Sarah would like to make it clear at this point of the blog...that she is absolutely definately not pregnant...because as she keeps stating she is NOT an essex hoebag! (yes Denise she is NOT)
'It ain't easy being wheezy!' Friday 27th March
We woke up...wondering and piecing the night together.
'did we eat last night?' i asked...we had a gammy taste in our mouths.
'no i don't think so' replies sarah
It was quite cloudy out, so we decided to have a lazy morning catching up on the blog and uploading photos etc...
Thats when we found a photo of the cold frankfuter type sausages...and that is when i had a flashback of us eating them like savages. Who needs kebabs ay?
My stomach turned!
Sarah decided to make the most of being Des (designated driver) and seeing as she was still over the limit she said 'shall we have a beer?'
I do 'the look at the watch thing' that i do at home...check to see if its midday (if its not midday and you want beer your an alcoholic)
It was about 10! But it doesn't make me an alcoholic as i wasn't the one that asked for a beer...and even if i did say yes...Sarah justifies this by saying were on UK time. STILL. (we shall keep to this reasoning).
We went to get our washing in...yes you heard, domesticated goddesses. To my horror all my underwear has vanished off the line! We shall continue blogging about the 'mystery of the vanishing underwear' at a later date!
Kym and Malcolm have 2 dogs...puppies but one is a giant horse! We love millie but she is so excitable, and when she scratches our bare feet it hurts real bad!
Sarah got the right hump with this and on this particular morning had an outburst...'MILLIE FOR FUCKS SAKE PUT YOUR FUCKING SLIPPERS ON - OR FUCK OFF!'
We had an early dinner...it was our dolmio day. Kym decided it would be a great idea to line our stomachs before another bender with our kiwi krew!
We drove to the house, it was their last night there as they were moving the next morning, so we all had a few drinks which turned into a few more drinks...which turned into a home brewed absinthe session. (bad times)
We eventually split into two cars and head to town...Our car the 'sensible ones' sang some highway code song about buckling up...just after hannah climbed back in from the sunroof..
And then Jasons car (who by the way irritated the shit out of me) took sarah and lee for a mental burn up around town...handbrake chavvy stuff, Sarah got on with Jason...(strangely after his shit conversations about 'boil ups' and his constant chat about if he was 10 years younger 'he would' dirty fat tramp!) until i told her the next morning he'd shot absinthe...and apparently 'its only one im not over the limit'
HELLO! ITS ABSINTHE! (and homebrewed lethal stuff) 80% YOU FAT STUPID FUCK!
Sarah's vowed to kick his arse if she ever sees him again...drink driving is not cool kids! Buckle up!
We went on a crazy bender around town again...and theres this one place called 'pie lab' and its like a run down cafe where we shot and run off. This jason guy ate a pie that had clearly been there for hours and hours...hes an absolute tramp...
you think you've met the scumiest man ever? you haven't...this man is! (if he reads this...he will cry!)
Lovebirds at back?
We left the clubs very merry, and next door to a bar was a sex shop...which was open! So of course we all ran in there!
Hannah ran to the DVD section and started ripping the advertising posters off the wall...because they were nice? Adverts for viagra and a viewing dvd booth etc!
Funny stuff...
So we left and headed back to the cars...singing football songs like
'YOUR GOING HOME IN A S'AAFEEND AMBULANCE!'
AND
'EVERYWHERE WE GO! PEOPLE ALWAYS ASK US...WHO WE ARE, AND WHERE WE COME FROM'
We got the kiwi's singing in a essex accent and screaming 'WERE FROM ENGLAND MIGHTY MIGHTY ENGLAND!'
You can see evidence of jason the stupid fuck with the disgusting pie in this photo!
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO . HISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS.
This is Hope and Hannah...they are mental!
And heres lee's pants...easy access for Sarah later that evening!
We get back to the house...Sarah and Lee are rolling around on the floor (apparently her legs went wobbly and she accidently took him down...but im having none of that!)
Me, Matt and Hannah are sticking up viagra posters, and turning a photo of gordon brown into a drag queen!
Hope is looking for a glass so she can listen through the wall at Sarah and Lee (they had disappered into lee's room by this point!)
Being in a drunken stupor, i decide its a fantastic ida to go and fetch the rest of the absinthe...which me and matt pounce on.
After a few i realise maybe that wasn't a good idea...but Hannah keeps pouring them for us. STUPID BITCH!
This leads to Matt climbing up to spew and not realising the wall was well out of his reach due to his triple vision! He falls backwards onto my ankle as i howl
'OH MY GOD MY FOOTS FALLEN OFF! HAS MY FOOT FALLEN OFF?'
while Hopes sitting there repeatedly going 'is she screaming?'
And Hannah's pouring me more absinthe!
While Marks going 'shhhhhhhh keep it down you'll wake mum'
This is the 2nd time this holiday we've noticed funny accent changes...the first being 'shetland' is pronounced 'SHIT-LAND' Which was fantastic!
And the second being me saying 'no! no more, i will deck you'
Hannah repeating 'you'll dick me!?'
Classic Missunderstandings...
______
Matt spewed and passed out.
Hope freaked (shes scared of sick) and was in a right state 'TAKE ME HOME MARK! GET ME A TISSUE!'
And Sarah and lee still hadn't made an appearance.
_____
Hannah goes to the bedroom door and says 'would you like me to pass a message on to them'
we start ripping into sarah's asthma...asking if she needs her pump, and which colour pump she needs etc.
'SARAH! SARAH! NICOLA SAID IT AIN'T EASY BEING WHEEZEY...DO YOU NEED YOUR PUMP?'
We continued being little shits for a good hour! While matt was Coma'd out curled up in the warm blanket we needed to share! Selfish Spewer!
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'did we eat last night?' i asked...we had a gammy taste in our mouths.
'no i don't think so' replies sarah
It was quite cloudy out, so we decided to have a lazy morning catching up on the blog and uploading photos etc...
Thats when we found a photo of the cold frankfuter type sausages...and that is when i had a flashback of us eating them like savages. Who needs kebabs ay?
My stomach turned!
Sarah decided to make the most of being Des (designated driver) and seeing as she was still over the limit she said 'shall we have a beer?'
I do 'the look at the watch thing' that i do at home...check to see if its midday (if its not midday and you want beer your an alcoholic)
It was about 10! But it doesn't make me an alcoholic as i wasn't the one that asked for a beer...and even if i did say yes...Sarah justifies this by saying were on UK time. STILL. (we shall keep to this reasoning).
We went to get our washing in...yes you heard, domesticated goddesses. To my horror all my underwear has vanished off the line! We shall continue blogging about the 'mystery of the vanishing underwear' at a later date!
Kym and Malcolm have 2 dogs...puppies but one is a giant horse! We love millie but she is so excitable, and when she scratches our bare feet it hurts real bad!
Sarah got the right hump with this and on this particular morning had an outburst...'MILLIE FOR FUCKS SAKE PUT YOUR FUCKING SLIPPERS ON - OR FUCK OFF!'
We had an early dinner...it was our dolmio day. Kym decided it would be a great idea to line our stomachs before another bender with our kiwi krew!
We drove to the house, it was their last night there as they were moving the next morning, so we all had a few drinks which turned into a few more drinks...which turned into a home brewed absinthe session. (bad times)
We eventually split into two cars and head to town...Our car the 'sensible ones' sang some highway code song about buckling up...just after hannah climbed back in from the sunroof..
And then Jasons car (who by the way irritated the shit out of me) took sarah and lee for a mental burn up around town...handbrake chavvy stuff, Sarah got on with Jason...(strangely after his shit conversations about 'boil ups' and his constant chat about if he was 10 years younger 'he would' dirty fat tramp!) until i told her the next morning he'd shot absinthe...and apparently 'its only one im not over the limit'
HELLO! ITS ABSINTHE! (and homebrewed lethal stuff) 80% YOU FAT STUPID FUCK!
Sarah's vowed to kick his arse if she ever sees him again...drink driving is not cool kids! Buckle up!
We went on a crazy bender around town again...and theres this one place called 'pie lab' and its like a run down cafe where we shot and run off. This jason guy ate a pie that had clearly been there for hours and hours...hes an absolute tramp...
you think you've met the scumiest man ever? you haven't...this man is! (if he reads this...he will cry!)
Lovebirds at back?
We left the clubs very merry, and next door to a bar was a sex shop...which was open! So of course we all ran in there!
Hannah ran to the DVD section and started ripping the advertising posters off the wall...because they were nice? Adverts for viagra and a viewing dvd booth etc!
Funny stuff...
So we left and headed back to the cars...singing football songs like
'YOUR GOING HOME IN A S'AAFEEND AMBULANCE!'
AND
'EVERYWHERE WE GO! PEOPLE ALWAYS ASK US...WHO WE ARE, AND WHERE WE COME FROM'
We got the kiwi's singing in a essex accent and screaming 'WERE FROM ENGLAND MIGHTY MIGHTY ENGLAND!'
You can see evidence of jason the stupid fuck with the disgusting pie in this photo!
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO . HISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS.
This is Hope and Hannah...they are mental!
And heres lee's pants...easy access for Sarah later that evening!
We get back to the house...Sarah and Lee are rolling around on the floor (apparently her legs went wobbly and she accidently took him down...but im having none of that!)
Me, Matt and Hannah are sticking up viagra posters, and turning a photo of gordon brown into a drag queen!
Hope is looking for a glass so she can listen through the wall at Sarah and Lee (they had disappered into lee's room by this point!)
Being in a drunken stupor, i decide its a fantastic ida to go and fetch the rest of the absinthe...which me and matt pounce on.
After a few i realise maybe that wasn't a good idea...but Hannah keeps pouring them for us. STUPID BITCH!
This leads to Matt climbing up to spew and not realising the wall was well out of his reach due to his triple vision! He falls backwards onto my ankle as i howl
'OH MY GOD MY FOOTS FALLEN OFF! HAS MY FOOT FALLEN OFF?'
while Hopes sitting there repeatedly going 'is she screaming?'
And Hannah's pouring me more absinthe!
While Marks going 'shhhhhhhh keep it down you'll wake mum'
This is the 2nd time this holiday we've noticed funny accent changes...the first being 'shetland' is pronounced 'SHIT-LAND' Which was fantastic!
And the second being me saying 'no! no more, i will deck you'
Hannah repeating 'you'll dick me!?'
Classic Missunderstandings...
______
Matt spewed and passed out.
Hope freaked (shes scared of sick) and was in a right state 'TAKE ME HOME MARK! GET ME A TISSUE!'
And Sarah and lee still hadn't made an appearance.
_____
Hannah goes to the bedroom door and says 'would you like me to pass a message on to them'
we start ripping into sarah's asthma...asking if she needs her pump, and which colour pump she needs etc.
'SARAH! SARAH! NICOLA SAID IT AIN'T EASY BEING WHEEZEY...DO YOU NEED YOUR PUMP?'
We continued being little shits for a good hour! While matt was Coma'd out curled up in the warm blanket we needed to share! Selfish Spewer!
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Saturday, 28 March 2009
Our first night on the town...'a pack of pommes'
Tour guide becci went home...so it was tour guide barbie...i mean matt's turn to show us around...and obviously there was no other way he was going to do that other than to take us out on the piss! (mum i dont drink too much)
We went to his friend Marks house...thinking about it now i was already very merry!
But we met the funniest, craziest, coolest people ever!
I think we made some friends there although when they said 'oh my god you sound exactly like your off of Jeremey Kyle' That nearly broke our blossoming friendships!
I spent most the night copying there accents and saying 'FUSH AND CHUPS'
While they spent the night copying our accents and going 'alwite mate'
One of the girls, hope, is a mentalist...she is absolutely hilarious, running through town hugging random people and bowing at erm...people.
Every time you go in a bar you get stamped...thinking about it now i dont know why we got stamped but i decided they should stamp my passport at the 'feathered monkey' only later did i realise the stamp says something about 'hear no evil'
something sardistic!
At oe point in the night everyone thought they'd lost me...Sarah ensured them that i was fine and would be at the bar...2 minutes later i stroll back with my vodka..and sarah was like 'what did i tell you all...she was at the bar!' She knows me too well!
We got home that night and decided we were going to write our blog...this ended up being the night we put rate that asian up...so forgive us!
Oh by the way, the guy in spandex...i have no idea who he is but apparently he stuck is tongue in sarahs mouth against her will!
So anyway! Thy are all legends and we'll definately be seeing them again. Maybe not spandex guy!
Anyway...i am absolutely shattered! I can't write anymore and my sense of humour fell out of me when i yawned just now!
SLOPPY KISSES. PEACE OUT, A TOWN DOWN. BEEEEEEEEPPPPPPPPPPPP
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We went to his friend Marks house...thinking about it now i was already very merry!
But we met the funniest, craziest, coolest people ever!
I think we made some friends there although when they said 'oh my god you sound exactly like your off of Jeremey Kyle' That nearly broke our blossoming friendships!
I spent most the night copying there accents and saying 'FUSH AND CHUPS'
While they spent the night copying our accents and going 'alwite mate'
One of the girls, hope, is a mentalist...she is absolutely hilarious, running through town hugging random people and bowing at erm...people.
Every time you go in a bar you get stamped...thinking about it now i dont know why we got stamped but i decided they should stamp my passport at the 'feathered monkey' only later did i realise the stamp says something about 'hear no evil'
something sardistic!
At oe point in the night everyone thought they'd lost me...Sarah ensured them that i was fine and would be at the bar...2 minutes later i stroll back with my vodka..and sarah was like 'what did i tell you all...she was at the bar!' She knows me too well!
We got home that night and decided we were going to write our blog...this ended up being the night we put rate that asian up...so forgive us!
Oh by the way, the guy in spandex...i have no idea who he is but apparently he stuck is tongue in sarahs mouth against her will!
So anyway! Thy are all legends and we'll definately be seeing them again. Maybe not spandex guy!
Anyway...i am absolutely shattered! I can't write anymore and my sense of humour fell out of me when i yawned just now!
SLOPPY KISSES. PEACE OUT, A TOWN DOWN. BEEEEEEEEPPPPPPPPPPPP
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March 26th- A jam packed day of fun!
After the kings of leon gig we drove back from auckland and got home very late...Barbara was tired and grumbly so sarah decided to turn the lights off when she drove up the drive so she didn't wake anyone in the house up. As she did this barbara decided to stop half way up the drive and sarah rev'd so loud! I rekon the glasses in the kitchen cabinet were even shaking!
We got to bed late, so you can imagine my state of confusion when about 3 hours later Kym is perched on the end of my bed waking me up! She took us to see the hot air baloons. I'd like to add that Sarah all this time wasn't sure if she had sworn at kym when she woke her up! So she was a bit tense!
If were in the first 2000 to the baloons we get a free brekkie! Obviously we were like the 10th there when we heard FREE BREKKIE.
The baloons couldn't fly that morning because of the 'pea soup' fog. But we did manage to get some photos!
We got back home...and decided on a 'powernap' which resulted in us being woken at midday! Disappointed i'd wasted half my morning we decided to jam pack our afternoon!
Becci and her fiance Rio took us to Hamilton Zoo. I was excited at the prospect of seeing monkeys and elephants and it was very sunny! So we marched around the zoo getting happy snappy at the animals (that did look like members of the family)
Naming no names...but becci said that this looked like someone (dad) and she said 'he's probably snoring like graham too!'
Dad its not all bad...in New Zealand these pigs are house pets, they're very intelligent animals apparently!
Oh! While were on the subject of my dad...i'd like to tell you a little story.
We were on the way to Heathrow, and i get a phonecall from dad...
'where are you? not at the airport yet?' blablabla
'anyway i was just calling because i've been reading Ross Kemps book on Gangs...and apparently in New Zealand your very likely to get raped by a member of the mongrel gang...they're very dangerous...anyway have fun!'
That was basically the phone call!
__________
Back to the zoo!
We saw chimps...im pretty sure they were playing chess...
But god did they stink...if we once were chimps then i understand why they smell like my brother!
HI CLEMMY! (asshole) Still don't want to be my friend in facespace? Expect me to bring you a gift home! pffffffftttttttt!
Then our tour guides took us onto the Hamilton Gardens...its was pretty...theres lots of different gardens for different countries...like japanese, english, chinese etc.
Seeing as it was such a nice day we thought we'd treat our kilsby family to a Barbeque...we went to a Mad butchers and chose the meet...thats when i saw the cutting choppy room.
And right in front of me was a pigs head! It was awful, i squealed (like a pig actually) then continued to do the food shop by looking at the floor and not making eye contact with anyone! As i repeated 'theres a pigs head behind me'.
We all went back and prepared the dinner. We created a work of art...And played ready steady cook!
The food was delishhhh. And we got right stuck in!
After a few more wines, and alot of dancing with the dogs sarah decided to jump in the pool...clothed. STUPID BITCH! (by the way...im pretty sure we can make a top 50 stupidest moments already for Sarah and were only a week in!)
The night had only just began......(linking the blogs...clever that)
We got to bed late, so you can imagine my state of confusion when about 3 hours later Kym is perched on the end of my bed waking me up! She took us to see the hot air baloons. I'd like to add that Sarah all this time wasn't sure if she had sworn at kym when she woke her up! So she was a bit tense!
If were in the first 2000 to the baloons we get a free brekkie! Obviously we were like the 10th there when we heard FREE BREKKIE.
The baloons couldn't fly that morning because of the 'pea soup' fog. But we did manage to get some photos!
We got back home...and decided on a 'powernap' which resulted in us being woken at midday! Disappointed i'd wasted half my morning we decided to jam pack our afternoon!
Becci and her fiance Rio took us to Hamilton Zoo. I was excited at the prospect of seeing monkeys and elephants and it was very sunny! So we marched around the zoo getting happy snappy at the animals (that did look like members of the family)
Naming no names...but becci said that this looked like someone (dad) and she said 'he's probably snoring like graham too!'
Dad its not all bad...in New Zealand these pigs are house pets, they're very intelligent animals apparently!
Oh! While were on the subject of my dad...i'd like to tell you a little story.
We were on the way to Heathrow, and i get a phonecall from dad...
'where are you? not at the airport yet?' blablabla
'anyway i was just calling because i've been reading Ross Kemps book on Gangs...and apparently in New Zealand your very likely to get raped by a member of the mongrel gang...they're very dangerous...anyway have fun!'
That was basically the phone call!
__________
Back to the zoo!
We saw chimps...im pretty sure they were playing chess...
But god did they stink...if we once were chimps then i understand why they smell like my brother!
HI CLEMMY! (asshole) Still don't want to be my friend in facespace? Expect me to bring you a gift home! pffffffftttttttt!
Then our tour guides took us onto the Hamilton Gardens...its was pretty...theres lots of different gardens for different countries...like japanese, english, chinese etc.
Seeing as it was such a nice day we thought we'd treat our kilsby family to a Barbeque...we went to a Mad butchers and chose the meet...thats when i saw the cutting choppy room.
And right in front of me was a pigs head! It was awful, i squealed (like a pig actually) then continued to do the food shop by looking at the floor and not making eye contact with anyone! As i repeated 'theres a pigs head behind me'.
We all went back and prepared the dinner. We created a work of art...And played ready steady cook!
The food was delishhhh. And we got right stuck in!
After a few more wines, and alot of dancing with the dogs sarah decided to jump in the pool...clothed. STUPID BITCH! (by the way...im pretty sure we can make a top 50 stupidest moments already for Sarah and were only a week in!)
The night had only just began......(linking the blogs...clever that)
A few photos that we should have thrown up with blogs...
It was a bit of a heavy night last night, and due to a blanket hog i didn't get much sleep so bare with me while i try to unmuddle my brain. (it took me a while to correct all the spelling mistakes in this sentance!)
We've onl just started putting our photos on the computer so i'll throw a few up so you've got pictures of the travelling, and maybe even the franjeypanjey (yaaaaaakkkkkk).
Tanya and Paul...they drive the 'piece of shit'
We've onl just started putting our photos on the computer so i'll throw a few up so you've got pictures of the travelling, and maybe even the franjeypanjey (yaaaaaakkkkkk).
Tanya and Paul...they drive the 'piece of shit'
Friday, 27 March 2009
The Gig...Pictures Speak Louder Than Words
We met and raved with alot of random nutters.................
I kept going out of the main arena to the bar...and to go back in you had to show your wristband...there was an old man checking the bands as we came back through and he must have seen me endless times heading back in with 2 beers in my hand! He gave me a 'your drinking too much, are you an alchy' look. I gave him the 'i like beer, i am merry' look!
Now for a lil taster.....!It was amazing...and although i felt a little angry when he said 'we've toured the world and you guys are the best'
but then i remembered that i was in the crowd, so we are the best...They know how to party!
I looked into the stands and there was a man jumping in his seat...he pretty much touched the roof!
It was awesome and were glad that mandy wasn't rich! Stupid bitch!
Sloppy kisses to all you jealous bitches xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Wednesday March 25th- KINGS OF 'EFFIN LEON
Kings Of Leon are touring New Zealand while were here...literally for 3 days...and its been sold out since last year. There aren't many gigs in new zealand, and they don't really have touts, so as you can imagine, music fanatics would REALLY want to get out of the house for this one!
We searched on new zealands version of ebay, its called TRADE ME. And we bid on some tickets...this ended in a huge bidding war...with us continuously converting dollars into pounds and realising that we were actually quite rich. Sterling FUCK YEA!
So were bidding against 'mandy59' and completely kicking her arse!
Of course we won!
Jumped in the bug and headed back to Auckland.
OH and by the way...we done some detective work and realised that Barbara's speedo was in MPH not KMPH. Meaning that we'd been speeding by over 40mph since yesterday!
However all is good now as sarahs back on track with the driving! And is making plans to ship the beetle home.
We chilled, i had a beer, sarah had a 'light beer' and we ate some toasties...Sarah took a shine to this place and said we should come back more often! I wonder why?
I ordered the 'old skool' toastie...which turned out to be...spaghetti, and cheese in toast. But they tried to make it look posh by garnishing the plate with a side salad.
So we sit in a cafe in the sun and the PERFECT RTA (rate that asian) clomps past. Seriosuly the rottenest egg! DIRTY MOFO.
As you guys are loving the blog...i begged sarah to run after her to get a photo just so you could all rate it!
She was like miss piggy (an asian Jade Goody!!! below the belt? only you can decide!), wearing hot pants. It was so so so a -3!
Due to sarah being such a LETDOWN (too slow) the treetrunker moved too fast and was gone! so no photos im afraid! However we have got a photo of the smallest...baller who wishes she was taller
Ok apart from being racist we have talked lots about food...but this had to go in.
Mummy, i don't need to come back because i've found A RASPBERRY AND WHITE CHOCOLATE MUFFIN! I don't think it was on par to the one we have from the secret place, but it was still mmmmmm good! Especially 'cause i had a beer with it!
Sarah ordered a coffee, and as per usual she always seems to order the tinest one!
We searched on new zealands version of ebay, its called TRADE ME. And we bid on some tickets...this ended in a huge bidding war...with us continuously converting dollars into pounds and realising that we were actually quite rich. Sterling FUCK YEA!
So were bidding against 'mandy59' and completely kicking her arse!
Of course we won!
Jumped in the bug and headed back to Auckland.
OH and by the way...we done some detective work and realised that Barbara's speedo was in MPH not KMPH. Meaning that we'd been speeding by over 40mph since yesterday!
However all is good now as sarahs back on track with the driving! And is making plans to ship the beetle home.
We chilled, i had a beer, sarah had a 'light beer' and we ate some toasties...Sarah took a shine to this place and said we should come back more often! I wonder why?
I ordered the 'old skool' toastie...which turned out to be...spaghetti, and cheese in toast. But they tried to make it look posh by garnishing the plate with a side salad.
So we sit in a cafe in the sun and the PERFECT RTA (rate that asian) clomps past. Seriosuly the rottenest egg! DIRTY MOFO.
As you guys are loving the blog...i begged sarah to run after her to get a photo just so you could all rate it!
She was like miss piggy (an asian Jade Goody!!! below the belt? only you can decide!), wearing hot pants. It was so so so a -3!
Due to sarah being such a LETDOWN (too slow) the treetrunker moved too fast and was gone! so no photos im afraid! However we have got a photo of the smallest...baller who wishes she was taller
Ok apart from being racist we have talked lots about food...but this had to go in.
Mummy, i don't need to come back because i've found A RASPBERRY AND WHITE CHOCOLATE MUFFIN! I don't think it was on par to the one we have from the secret place, but it was still mmmmmm good! Especially 'cause i had a beer with it!
Sarah ordered a coffee, and as per usual she always seems to order the tinest one!
Our drive down to Hamilton - 24th March
I didn't expect to be the Satnav...but as sarah was concentrating so much on not writing off the car, this is what i became.
I lead us through auckland city...which is similar to central london...just less nutters, cabbies, and black people. But more asians, buses and crazy signs.
We decide to take the backstreets, as sarah doesn't feel confident enough yet to take the main strip. This turns out to be a very unwise move, as we arrive at the STEEPEST HILL YOU'LL EVER SEE, unless your skiing the black slope on holiday.
Bread and cheese hill tipped up! Some genius wacked traffic lights halfway up it. Even with the handbrake on, and the brake down we were still slipping back. Que hill start.
Barbara the bug didn't like this and she sounded very angry!
We made it though but did manage to stall at some lights later on...where instead of calmly restarting...sarah screams...starts wheezing, and banging the dashboard saying over and over 'WHERE ARE THE HAZARDS, WHERE ARE THE FUCKING HAZARDS'
It was HILARIOUS!
All in all she was picking it ip...apart from the minor driving up one way roads with HGV's coming towards you...everything was fine and dandy.
(sarah would like to add...she can drive and its not her fault tht there is a severe lack of NO ENTRY signs on one ways roads!)
We stop for petrol...(apparently in the maori ghetto). Sarah goes to pay and the man asks if she would like 'flybys' with that.
Sarah replys 'im from england dont have a clue what they are'
IN A NEW ZEALAND ACCENT!? stupid bitch.
We EVENTUALLY made it to Hamilton and were now staying at the Kilsby residency, where our slave (hi kym) waits on us (we love kym).
I lead us through auckland city...which is similar to central london...just less nutters, cabbies, and black people. But more asians, buses and crazy signs.
We decide to take the backstreets, as sarah doesn't feel confident enough yet to take the main strip. This turns out to be a very unwise move, as we arrive at the STEEPEST HILL YOU'LL EVER SEE, unless your skiing the black slope on holiday.
Bread and cheese hill tipped up! Some genius wacked traffic lights halfway up it. Even with the handbrake on, and the brake down we were still slipping back. Que hill start.
Barbara the bug didn't like this and she sounded very angry!
We made it though but did manage to stall at some lights later on...where instead of calmly restarting...sarah screams...starts wheezing, and banging the dashboard saying over and over 'WHERE ARE THE HAZARDS, WHERE ARE THE FUCKING HAZARDS'
It was HILARIOUS!
All in all she was picking it ip...apart from the minor driving up one way roads with HGV's coming towards you...everything was fine and dandy.
(sarah would like to add...she can drive and its not her fault tht there is a severe lack of NO ENTRY signs on one ways roads!)
We stop for petrol...(apparently in the maori ghetto). Sarah goes to pay and the man asks if she would like 'flybys' with that.
Sarah replys 'im from england dont have a clue what they are'
IN A NEW ZEALAND ACCENT!? stupid bitch.
We EVENTUALLY made it to Hamilton and were now staying at the Kilsby residency, where our slave (hi kym) waits on us (we love kym).
Meeting Babs 24th March
We FINALLY get our first proper nights sleep...unfortunately due to Sarah's fucking stupidity the twin room had been let out...so we had to share a double bed. And with Sarah's bloated feet...this wasn't much of a double bed!!!
Sarahs been laying further down the bed all night with a chair at the end raising her pregnant feet. Stupid bitch should walk more on the aeroplaned rather than letting all the food go to her feet (and alcohol).
We wake up fairly early because we have 'lots of missions to do'. We run to the shower early because the day before Sarah had been told to 'HURRY THE FUCK UP' We didn't want to be rushed...especially because I FORGOT SHAMPOO (stupid bitch) and my hair was 5 shades darker than it should have been.
So we run to the showers and hear no water running, absolute silence. RESULT free showers...except one of the doors is locked.
'Sarah unless im being stupid this door doesn't open. We should save our showers like the Germans save their sunbeds on holidays'
Sarah tugged at the door and in a polite voice goes...'hello? is anybody in there? yooohooo' as she waved her bare foot under the door.
A big gruff voive goes 'YEAH... ME!'
We jump and start pissing ourselves...this is when sarah says 'did he sound german because he was blatenly listening to our conversation!'
After the shower we go back to our room and wack on flo rida 'low'. Its 8am and were dancing around like...(we have a perfect example of how we were dancing...but it is unsuitable for this blog, and anymore racist comments will take this blog into history for being discriminate towards ethnic minorities who we love and respect as equals. Thats for the record)
Weve found our favourite cafe already...its called 'the strawberry alarm clock' in parnell road. Its AMAZING. sort of like a new zealand version of the sunrooms (without the crack)
I had a panini with banana, bacon and maple syrup...they served it with fruit and dusted the plate with icing sugar...it was so pretty! And a banana and strawberry smoothie! AMAZING!
After we fed our faces we headed off to do 'our missions' which included trying to find the vector arena and Albany to get the bugmobile for our trip down to Hamilton that day.
We had to pick up the car from the 'pak 'n' save' a.k.a New Zealands version of Lidl/Farmfoods/Aldi. Not realising that this was the other side of the harbour...and Auckland. 2 hours away from where we were. (nice planning Sarah)
We bused to Albany where we got directions from an Inbred hillbilly...who looked like this:
'i fuck my nephew, who is also my son'
Before we met 'BETTY' from the car hire. Sarah kindly informed me that she hadn't driven since september 2008, apart from a brief driving lesson from Ash. She was BRICKING IT. And we planned to take the car for a quiet spin round the back carpark so she could familiarise herself.
We'd even made plans...for example...Sarah doesn't like reversing out of car park spaces...so when we had to meet in a car park she was praying he didn't park up. If he did...Sarah was going to say...'right we need to go and get some stuff from the shops...see you later' so he couldn't see her reversing.
Unfortunately this was not the case...the man..(who was a legend) spent about half an hour with us talking about his life with his bug...and how he has owned it for 20years...it was his wedding car, and how he wasn't sure whether to put it up for hire. Sarahs face dropped~!
Then the guy said 'right i need dropping home'
SHITTTTTTTT
Its a 1963 beetle, 1.6 turbo engine, alot stronger than anything sarahs driven...and to top it all off it didnt have an accelerator pedal...just a little bar. The guy kindly advised us that the steering was 'a bit off' so we had to watch ourselves, as it had a mind of its own (just like herbie)
It was hell as she had to pull out on the motorway...we survived though, and he trusted us enough to leave barbara in our capable hands.......
Sarahs been laying further down the bed all night with a chair at the end raising her pregnant feet. Stupid bitch should walk more on the aeroplaned rather than letting all the food go to her feet (and alcohol).
We wake up fairly early because we have 'lots of missions to do'. We run to the shower early because the day before Sarah had been told to 'HURRY THE FUCK UP' We didn't want to be rushed...especially because I FORGOT SHAMPOO (stupid bitch) and my hair was 5 shades darker than it should have been.
So we run to the showers and hear no water running, absolute silence. RESULT free showers...except one of the doors is locked.
'Sarah unless im being stupid this door doesn't open. We should save our showers like the Germans save their sunbeds on holidays'
Sarah tugged at the door and in a polite voice goes...'hello? is anybody in there? yooohooo' as she waved her bare foot under the door.
A big gruff voive goes 'YEAH... ME!'
We jump and start pissing ourselves...this is when sarah says 'did he sound german because he was blatenly listening to our conversation!'
After the shower we go back to our room and wack on flo rida 'low'. Its 8am and were dancing around like...(we have a perfect example of how we were dancing...but it is unsuitable for this blog, and anymore racist comments will take this blog into history for being discriminate towards ethnic minorities who we love and respect as equals. Thats for the record)
Weve found our favourite cafe already...its called 'the strawberry alarm clock' in parnell road. Its AMAZING. sort of like a new zealand version of the sunrooms (without the crack)
I had a panini with banana, bacon and maple syrup...they served it with fruit and dusted the plate with icing sugar...it was so pretty! And a banana and strawberry smoothie! AMAZING!
After we fed our faces we headed off to do 'our missions' which included trying to find the vector arena and Albany to get the bugmobile for our trip down to Hamilton that day.
We had to pick up the car from the 'pak 'n' save' a.k.a New Zealands version of Lidl/Farmfoods/Aldi. Not realising that this was the other side of the harbour...and Auckland. 2 hours away from where we were. (nice planning Sarah)
We bused to Albany where we got directions from an Inbred hillbilly...who looked like this:
'i fuck my nephew, who is also my son'
Before we met 'BETTY' from the car hire. Sarah kindly informed me that she hadn't driven since september 2008, apart from a brief driving lesson from Ash. She was BRICKING IT. And we planned to take the car for a quiet spin round the back carpark so she could familiarise herself.
We'd even made plans...for example...Sarah doesn't like reversing out of car park spaces...so when we had to meet in a car park she was praying he didn't park up. If he did...Sarah was going to say...'right we need to go and get some stuff from the shops...see you later' so he couldn't see her reversing.
Unfortunately this was not the case...the man..(who was a legend) spent about half an hour with us talking about his life with his bug...and how he has owned it for 20years...it was his wedding car, and how he wasn't sure whether to put it up for hire. Sarahs face dropped~!
Then the guy said 'right i need dropping home'
SHITTTTTTTT
Its a 1963 beetle, 1.6 turbo engine, alot stronger than anything sarahs driven...and to top it all off it didnt have an accelerator pedal...just a little bar. The guy kindly advised us that the steering was 'a bit off' so we had to watch ourselves, as it had a mind of its own (just like herbie)
It was hell as she had to pull out on the motorway...we survived though, and he trusted us enough to leave barbara in our capable hands.......
RATE THAT ASIAN
RTA. RATE THAT ASIAN
ROUND ONE: LOVEFOXXX 8/10
ROUND 2: SPANDEX ASIAN WRESTLERS: 2/10
ROUND 3: KEV THE ASIAN OFFICE WORKER <3>
each time you see a worthy score on the RTA scale...please feel free to blog. sloppy kisses xxx
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