Saturday, 28 November 2009
Saturday, 21 November 2009
GETTING PAID TO WRITE BLOGS? FUCKING AY!
So i get an email, and i think why not! i'll apply!
Skip past the terms and conditions, and check the box at the bottom (cause really...who ever reads them!?)
I get an email back saying they are going to view my blog to see how suitable it is...
AND THEN I GET ONE FINAL EMAIL. Which i spent a good 10 minutes laughing very VERY hard at!
.......
Hi NICOLA STANDAGE,
We have tested your blog (http://bigwig67.blogspot.com) and found that it contains problems in matching our criteria that are so severe that we do not think that they can be fixed. Therefore, we will not accept any further submissions on this particular blog.
The problem(s) with this blog are noted below:
In order to have your Blog Certified with Blog Distributor, it must not contain profanity. The following is a list of the profane words we found in your Blog: shit (14), shite (1), shitty (1), shittttttttttttt (1), prick (1), pissed (1), pissing (1), fuck (6), fucking (14), fucked (1), fuckin (1), fucker (1), farts (1), bitch (11), bitches (7), bitching (1).
If you have other blogs that do not share the problem(s) that this blog has, we would welcome your submission of those other blogs.
Blog Distributor....
wow! i guess i have got a potty mouth. haha!
Skip past the terms and conditions, and check the box at the bottom (cause really...who ever reads them!?)
I get an email back saying they are going to view my blog to see how suitable it is...
AND THEN I GET ONE FINAL EMAIL. Which i spent a good 10 minutes laughing very VERY hard at!
.......
Hi NICOLA STANDAGE,
We have tested your blog (http://bigwig67.blogspot.com) and found that it contains problems in matching our criteria that are so severe that we do not think that they can be fixed. Therefore, we will not accept any further submissions on this particular blog.
The problem(s) with this blog are noted below:
In order to have your Blog Certified with Blog Distributor, it must not contain profanity. The following is a list of the profane words we found in your Blog: shit (14), shite (1), shitty (1), shittttttttttttt (1), prick (1), pissed (1), pissing (1), fuck (6), fucking (14), fucked (1), fuckin (1), fucker (1), farts (1), bitch (11), bitches (7), bitching (1).
If you have other blogs that do not share the problem(s) that this blog has, we would welcome your submission of those other blogs.
Blog Distributor....
wow! i guess i have got a potty mouth. haha!
Friday, 20 November 2009
Friday 11:22pm
YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW CLOSE I WAS TO CATCHING WAFFLE!!! I'M SO MAD...THIS FUCKER IS INVINCIBLE! HE HAS EATEN FROM 6 MOUSE TRAPS WITHOUT DIEING AND HE HAS JUST JUMPED OVER MY BOX AND FRISBEE CATCHER CONTRAPTION.
A new addition to the mousetrap...marmite.
Even if the bugger doesn't get caught, he can either love or hate the mar-mateeeeeeeee!
And another brainwave is to crush drugs into the Philadelphia! But Lee made the valid point that he might wander off and die somewhere and he will stink!
A new addition to the mousetrap...marmite.
Even if the bugger doesn't get caught, he can either love or hate the mar-mateeeeeeeee!
And another brainwave is to crush drugs into the Philadelphia! But Lee made the valid point that he might wander off and die somewhere and he will stink!
Wednesday, 18 November 2009
1:11am
I heard scratching and found his hideout...he poked his head out to tease me. WANKER.
We sprayed the hole in the cupboard with spray to scare him out, but so far he's being stubborn!
We sprayed the hole in the cupboard with spray to scare him out, but so far he's being stubborn!
1:01am
I CAN HEAR WAFFLE UNDERNEATH THE KITCHEN CABINET, HE NEEDS TO COME OUT AND FACE ME LIKE A MAN!
WAFFLE WATCH
ITS 12:56AM
I'M ON WAFFLE WATCH
WAFFLE IS A MOUSE.
I loved waffle for a long time, i spent days waiting in the kitchen for waffle to run past me! But today our love was broken...i went to the pantry to dry my hands, and there was waffle, eating MY BEAUTIFUL FIT BREAD.
ITS OVER WAFFLE...THIS IS WAR.
Im going to catch you!
Monday, 9 November 2009
To Write Love On Her Arms
Its a charity i've found recently, and although i may appear to be a heartless cow, it is definately worth supporting.
I think you should ALL swat up on it to be honest! I nearly signed myself up to be in Florida next year for the internship...but then realised i couldn't afford to!
http://www.twloha.com/vision/
I was listening to this song today...
its by a big fat geezer and his skinny bearded essex mate called DAN LE SAC VS. SCROOBIUS PIP.
THE MAGICIANS ASSISTENT
It's tragic; you tried to cut yourself in half,
But this isn't magic; in fact it's something much more dark, or more dramatic
Self harm, that's what they call it.
'Cause it just affects you.
It's your life, your body, so you can choose what you do,
And if one day you can't rein it in,
and of your last breath you are the only witness,
Then so be it, cause it's your last breath,
and it's nobody else's business.
But, how about your little sister?
I mean, you think your life's been bad,
And by no means am I belittling that,
cause I know the troubles you've had
But a teen finding out her sister chose death over life,
Finding out instead of turning to her with your problems, You turned to a knife
That's a whole lot of pain to deal with,
and a whole lot of damage
And the only role model she has is little more than words engraved in granite.
But as you said before, this just affects you.
It's your life, your body, so you can choose what you do.
And if one day you can't rein it in,
and of your last breath you are the only witness,
then so be it, cause it's your last breath,
and it's nobody else's business.
But then, how about your parents?
God knows they've done all they can to support.
Yeah, you didn't grow up in a mansion,
But they gave you the best life they could afford,
And the second that last bit of life tickles out,
and your lungs cease to breath,
They've failed the most important task that they will ever receive.
They failed to give their child a life that's worth living,
And that's a failure as long as they live, of themselves, is unforgiving.
But as you said before, this just affects you.
It's your life, your body, so you can choose what you do.
And if one day you can't rein it in,
and of your last breath you are the only witness,
then so be it, cause it's your last breath,
and it's nobody else's business.
But, how about your friends?
How did they fail to see this coming?
I mean, you can only hold so much pain,
and recently it seems like the tap's been running.
Families grow distant, but it's meant to be your friends you can rely on.
They shouldn't be there for just fun and drinks.
They should be the shoulder to cry on.
They should be the ones you turn to,
when you can't talk to your family.
But they failed to because although you didn't ask for their support,
it should have been mandatory.
But as you said before, this just affects you.
It's your life, your body, so you can choose what you do.
And if one day you can't rein it in,
and of your last breath you are the only witness,
then so be it, cause it's your last breath,
and it's nobody else's business.
But then, what about me?
What kind of boyfriend am I?
Instead of living a life I was a big part of,
You would rather die.
Instead of fighting though together,
and turning things around,
You decided the grass is greener
on the other side of the ground.
If I shared lives there was nothing worth living for as far as you could see.
So if that's the case for you
Then what is there left in this life for me?
But as you said before, this just affects you.
It's your life, your body, your sister, your parents, your friends, and your partner
so you can choose what you do.
And if one day you can't rein it in,
and of your last breath you are the only witness,
Then fuck everything else cause that's not something you've got to live with.
the magician's assistant
too many problems to list them,
not enough people to listen.
the magician's assistant....
the magician's assistant......
I think you should ALL swat up on it to be honest! I nearly signed myself up to be in Florida next year for the internship...but then realised i couldn't afford to!
http://www.twloha.com/vision/
I was listening to this song today...
its by a big fat geezer and his skinny bearded essex mate called DAN LE SAC VS. SCROOBIUS PIP.
THE MAGICIANS ASSISTENT
It's tragic; you tried to cut yourself in half,
But this isn't magic; in fact it's something much more dark, or more dramatic
Self harm, that's what they call it.
'Cause it just affects you.
It's your life, your body, so you can choose what you do,
And if one day you can't rein it in,
and of your last breath you are the only witness,
Then so be it, cause it's your last breath,
and it's nobody else's business.
But, how about your little sister?
I mean, you think your life's been bad,
And by no means am I belittling that,
cause I know the troubles you've had
But a teen finding out her sister chose death over life,
Finding out instead of turning to her with your problems, You turned to a knife
That's a whole lot of pain to deal with,
and a whole lot of damage
And the only role model she has is little more than words engraved in granite.
But as you said before, this just affects you.
It's your life, your body, so you can choose what you do.
And if one day you can't rein it in,
and of your last breath you are the only witness,
then so be it, cause it's your last breath,
and it's nobody else's business.
But then, how about your parents?
God knows they've done all they can to support.
Yeah, you didn't grow up in a mansion,
But they gave you the best life they could afford,
And the second that last bit of life tickles out,
and your lungs cease to breath,
They've failed the most important task that they will ever receive.
They failed to give their child a life that's worth living,
And that's a failure as long as they live, of themselves, is unforgiving.
But as you said before, this just affects you.
It's your life, your body, so you can choose what you do.
And if one day you can't rein it in,
and of your last breath you are the only witness,
then so be it, cause it's your last breath,
and it's nobody else's business.
But, how about your friends?
How did they fail to see this coming?
I mean, you can only hold so much pain,
and recently it seems like the tap's been running.
Families grow distant, but it's meant to be your friends you can rely on.
They shouldn't be there for just fun and drinks.
They should be the shoulder to cry on.
They should be the ones you turn to,
when you can't talk to your family.
But they failed to because although you didn't ask for their support,
it should have been mandatory.
But as you said before, this just affects you.
It's your life, your body, so you can choose what you do.
And if one day you can't rein it in,
and of your last breath you are the only witness,
then so be it, cause it's your last breath,
and it's nobody else's business.
But then, what about me?
What kind of boyfriend am I?
Instead of living a life I was a big part of,
You would rather die.
Instead of fighting though together,
and turning things around,
You decided the grass is greener
on the other side of the ground.
If I shared lives there was nothing worth living for as far as you could see.
So if that's the case for you
Then what is there left in this life for me?
But as you said before, this just affects you.
It's your life, your body, your sister, your parents, your friends, and your partner
so you can choose what you do.
And if one day you can't rein it in,
and of your last breath you are the only witness,
Then fuck everything else cause that's not something you've got to live with.
the magician's assistant
too many problems to list them,
not enough people to listen.
the magician's assistant....
the magician's assistant......
